New Calm

There is a certain peace that washes over when you put your fear and anxiety aside and dare to put your dream in motion. Sometimes you need to step into the dark with perserverance as your only light. Sometimes the weight of fear and anxiety can slow you down and even cease your progress all together. Drop the heavy sandbags and dare to live. 

I recently began this very process and I honestly feel different. I feel calm and relieved that I am going forward and not stuck in a cycle of worry and doubt. Constantly standing, pacing,and fretting at the starting line felt so stressful. Always too afraid to move. Once I started taking steps forward I had to drop the weight of worry to move freely and uninhibited. Starting can be a hurdle in itself. Lighten your load. 

Lucid

Have you ever had those dreams where everything is so vivdlid it could almpst be real? Those dreams always interest me. I tend to remember them a little better than most dreams. I often will replay the portions I remember and try to deduce some kind of meaning. Do You ever have dreams that repeat and progress over the years? I’ve had a couple. It’s weird it’s like watching an episode of a show you’ve seen before. You recognize the setting and characters, but this time you’re seeing part of the next episode as well. When you wake up you lay there pondering what could have contributed to such a dream. 

A hard pill to swallow

It can be very trying to collaborate with individuals that just rub you the wrong way. I am very glad that I can be very flexible and at least understanding when it comes to navigating difficult professional relationships. Whether it be personality clashes or polar opposite attitudes; I personally found it valuable to demonstrate an ability to work with a variety of individual’s personalities, communication styles, and over all attitudes. Have I met individuals that I would not want to work with if given the choice? Yes, of course! However, I will not allow another person’s actions to dictate my reactions. I can’t control anybody or anything but myself. I am responsible for myself and the actions I take. I aim to have thoughtful actions. I do not like to blindly react to things without analyzing a situation first. Even in emergency situations you need to think quickly before you act. It is like a reflex for me to analyze before jumping into something. My overall thought is that it’s important to know yourself, be aware of yourself, and try not to allow an external individual take control of your reactions and outcomes. 

Fragmented

If things had gone differently I wonder what life would have been like? I feel like I am longing to understand a part of myself that I never really got to know. The culture I was only exposed to in bits and pieces. I feel fragmented at times. I know nothing of the mother tongue of half my lineage. Parts of me want to explore, parts of me feel cautious and weary of my naivety, and parts of me feel too far removed from the culture I never truly knew. 

Waiting for the perfect moment 

The moments when you hesitate and freeze;standing still and waiting for the perfect moment to make your move. Sometimes the perfect moment never arrives and you’ve been standing for so long that you’ve stopped progressing all together. Sometimes you’ve  got to take a chance and step forward. Don’t become stagnant waiting for some ideal moment that may never occur. Hesistation may let your opportunity slip by. If you’ve been wanting​ to go for something for a while go ahead and do it. It’s ok if you’re afraid to fall. You can get back up and keep going or maybe, just maybe, you’ll soar above your doubts and fears. You’ll never know what your long-desired moment holds if you’re stuck, frozen, and waiting endlessly for the perfect moment.

Reflection

As I prepare to complete another year of my life on this Earth, I like to reflect. I think I’ve done well in terms of my professional development and personal growth. I feel as though I’ve begun the transition from the planning phase into the implementation phase. All the things I hoped, planned, and prepared for all of these years have​ begun to come to fruition. 

I do feel blessed to have all of the opportunities that have been afforded to me. I am grateful for the mindset, coping skills, and motivation my family and community have cultivated within me. I am thankful the paths known and unknown that I’ve traveled thus far. I think I can sum up my year like this: you’ll never quite know what’s around the corner until you get there or you have a better vantage point. As I go forward another year wiser and eager to learn, I will work on putting action to my words. Time step into the water; just getting my toes wet is not enough for me anymore. Here’s to a year of dreams, hopes, and plans manifested. 

Vulnerability

Is there strength in vulnerability? I think so. In the moments when one can leave themselves open to the world or a person I think there is a certain  strength and bravery needed. I my youth I was privileged enough to be in a position where I could positively impact and come in contact with other youth and young adults in some of their most vulnerable moments.  Some of the individuals I had interacted with before in my daily life. It was always emotional to see the difference when someone let down the mask they showed the world and let their vulnerability take centre stage as they sought a change for their life.  There is something so empowering about people exposing their souls, raw and unabashed, as they earnestly seek to better themselves and the lives of those around them. I am always moved when I see another youth or young adult earnestly trying to improve themselves. I sometimes have to restrain myself in public because I want to cry, cheer them on, and proudly slow clap. I love to see people doing well and progressing despite their circumstances. When I see youth and other young adults lost and dejected it hurts my soul. I want to go to each one and tell them to raise their head up. You are not your circumstances. You are not the negative words people have spoken about you. You have so much potential. Who has convinced you otherwise? Who convinced you to settle for less than your potential? There is more than one way to reach your goals. Failure is not the end of everything. It is often the beginning. As the saying goes ” if one door closes try the window”.  Let me lend you a hand! Two heads are better than one. Let’s figure things out together. Of course that would seem strange running up to people like that!  I think youth and young adults will always have a special place in my heart.

Sometimes being receptive to change and being honest and open with yourself can be uplifting not only for you, but for the lives you may touch knowingly or unknowingly.