What drives you? 

What motivates you to keep going? What drives you to get back up every time life knocks you down? After maintaining basic necessities what is it that makes you say “this is worth it”. In times of defeat and despair what makes you dust yourself off and get back in the ring? These are questions I ask myself as I reflect on choices and contemplate decisions. Will I thank myself in 6 months or a year for this decision? Will I wonder endlessly about the potential possibilities if I walk away from a challenge? Personally, the one thing I don’t want to wonder about and possibly regret is my potential. I’d rather try and fail than sit on the sidelines wondering what could have been if only I had not been afraid to take that first step. 

One thing that really gets to me is seeing people walking parallel to their full potential. Stuck in path never to intersect, whether it be due to socioeconomic, mental, or physical circumstances and barriers, they are looking over and wondering what could have been. You can’t change the past but you can certainly direct your path going forward. If you want it, go for it fervently. If there’s a barrier you can’t go around, you may just need to bust through even if it’s a small opening. Take it down brick by brick. Use any helping hands and resources you can find, even if it’s just one pair. Share your goals with few even though you will be surrounded by and working with many individuals. Not everyone you surround yourself with is meant to be within your circle. Some may not be there to build with you, but merely spectate or discourage you. I say this because social support is important even if you have just one person that can encourage you when times get rough, it can help keep you afloat in stressful times. As you go along your journey I encourage you to ask yourself what drives you and where do you want to go? 

Don’t Lose Your Rhythm

Sometimes life gets you down, and sometimes life hits you with a 4 ton truck and throws you into a compactor to seal the deal. What do you do when you feel crushed beyond conceivable repair? What works for me is scaling back and focusing on simplified smaller goals. I’d rather accomplish 5 small things than remain frustrated that I couldn’t accomplish one large goal. Focusing on one small step at a time helps rebuild my motivation within. If I think too far and wide I’m swimming in despair and doubt before I even begin. You need time to catch your breath after a personal shortcoming or failure. 

As long as you stay in motion, it doesn’t matter how miniscule you feel the accomplisent may be, you’re still making progress. If you want to get from point A to point B you will have to carry on. Failures are inevitable; how you proceed afterward is important. It’s like an athlete training and pushing their body beyond what they could do the day before. They maintain their training schedule. If they become injured they take the time to heal and modify their regimen until they are ready. Yes you may have your big grand goal in mind, and that is great, but you need to be able to scale it down to how will you defeat today’s challenge? How will you meet your goal for today? At the end of the day are you better than you were yesterday?  If you’re persistent with your smaller realistic goals you can eventually acheive the larger goal. Sometimes I need to remind myself it is me versus me at the end of the day. Don’t lose your rhythm just because you fumbled a few beats or maybe you’ve been at rest for an entire movement in the music that is your life. Regardless, get back in there. Jump back in if you must. Keep moving and living. Don’t be frozen in a cycle of thoughts and actions. Just because you’ve been stuck on repeat for a very long time doesn’t mean that’s​ where you must spend the rest of your days. It can be hard to swim against the current. It is hard to go against what may  be easy and comfortable. Muster up what strength you have left and break out of stagnation. You may just surprise yourself.

I’ll get to it eventually?

I have been stock piling various language learning resources for years now. I always start and then let it get thrown to the bottom of the priority pile. If I had maintained dedicating at least half hour of my time  each day I could have been a gosh darn decent conversationalist by now. Well, now it is time to make myself and my interests a priority again. I’ve begun reorienting my lens on life. My health and well-being must shift from the lower end of the priority list and be placed at the top. I need to become comfortable with consistenly building in my daily life. Too often do I break apart my self care into little compartments exclusive of one another and think of them as a just a one time goal. Too often I’m impatient and dread making my goals more sustainable and attainable simply because it’d take too long in my eyes. I really need to shift out of this “one-and-done” mentality. I become my worst enemy being too locked into that way of thinking. I must now plan smaller continuous steps to a better me and not focus on the time frame and racing an invisible clock. Sometimes it’s ok not to glare at the “big picture” all the time and work on your own area first. Here’s to not biting off more than I can consistently chew. 

Self care

Don’t you just love the feeling when you remove toxic people and situations from your life and relationships? It’s like a big boulder has been lifted off of a stack of smiles you’ve been saving up. Your chest feels lighters. You don’t care that you have a stack of dishes to do after cooking a big meal. You’re just so happy you’ve reclaimed the mental space you wasted on dealing with toxic situations. 

You know it’s important to try and maintain your self care. You’re the captain of your life. You can try and accommodate everyone else, but at the end of the day you’re the one in control. There comes a time when you need to put on the seatbelt sign and tell some people to sit down and take a backseat because you are approaching your destination. If they choose to stand up and endure some turbulence that is their decision. You’re still the one that has the controls at hand. You can’t make a detour for every passenger in your life. Passengers will come and go, you have your tight knit crew and trusted co-pilot. Get to your destination in one piece. Don’t lose fuel stopping at everyone elses destination and be left too empty to make it to your own. Now, there isn’t anything at all wrong with helping out others, just remember to be wise about it. 

Try to put on your own life jacket before diving in to pull out everyone else. Don’t spread yourself so thin that it’s difficult to recover. You can only pour so much until your glass is empty. Remember to love yourself in your pursuit of loving others. 

Update #1 : Payed to Play? AppLike Review



Just a quick update on my AppLike review. You can find my initial review here if you haven’t read it. I made another small bit of change using AppLike. Depositing worked fine. I haven’t been playing the games as often in the past few weeks. My account didn’t become inactive and my app loads normally (as I’ve heard of such things happening in other reviews). Overall, my app is still rewarding mcoins and paying real money via PayPal.

When you’ve got a creative soul

I may not be a professional artist, but gosh darn it I can’t deny the creative streak that constantly flows within me. By day I’m a woman in the healthcare field , by night I’m an entrepreneur and a hobby artist. Music and visual arts have always had a  special place in my heart. They are my therapy after facing the world. I’ll always remember my older sibling telling me that I shouldn’t​ accept the invitation to a well-known visual arts​ school because it wasn’t a practical and profitable career path in their eyes. I was angry at first. I wanted to run off and become the artist du jour. However, I considered what they said and decided to not pursue visual art full-time, but I pursued music instead. I felt I’d still get what I wanted. After beginning down that career path I realized it wasn’t for me; well, not as a full time career. I did not have the necessary passion, patience, and drive for it to be my main long term professional focus. I would not go into something half-assed. 

While I was getting my feet wet and discovering a fulfilling profession I found ways to incorporate my creative side. I could not ever just not involve myself in music and art. I continue creating visual art as a hobby. I performed in ensembles when I could. I ended up continuing to collaborate with my best friend and putting my art up online. Music is therapeutic for me. I don’t need to be the best. As long as I get to play and better myself I’m happy. Creativity will always be within me and I will keep finding ways to let it out before I explode. Don’t be afraid to be a complex person! Have your cake, make it, bake it, decorate it, and eat it too if you please. Just because a door to one opportunity is closed doesn’t mean the window won’t open up for you.